Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
