how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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