Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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