I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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