I can text with my tongue
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize