I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
