Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
