end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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