i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
