she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
