i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
