well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
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I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
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Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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