Your face is a jimmy john
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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