If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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