i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
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all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
organizing the empties. That sober.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
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When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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