you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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