You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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