Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
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