You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
