You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
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