She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.