it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
