when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
how drunk are you?