I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
i came on her dog
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.