is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
