$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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