Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
