I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
