I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
