I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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