Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
