I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
