I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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