someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
