can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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