Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
