Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
