so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
