i jhust puked up my retainher.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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