The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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