I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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