so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
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