So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
