I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
