around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
