He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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