Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
