DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
