she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
