Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(786): View more from Florida

Thats something to write home to mom about

(305): View more from Florida

Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her

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(818): View more from California

my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you

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(602): View more from Arizona

dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs

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(518): View more from New York

I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.

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(212): View more from New York

So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober

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(949): View more from California

You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.

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(330): View more from Ohio

I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident

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