my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
