Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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