found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Randomize
