cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
