Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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