If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
