it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
