Define "chronic" masturbator.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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