If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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