Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
