Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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