Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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