i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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