fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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