chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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