We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
not ubering you a puppy
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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