That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
