eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
