he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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