What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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