i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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