My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
