Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
God, I missed his penis.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
