I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
