took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
