we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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