Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
