Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
