What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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